Are We Doing It All… And Then Some?
I came across a post recently that made me stop mid-scroll.
Not just pause—but think. And I knew I had to share the thoughts it stirred in me.
I can’t help but wonder…
in the process of empowering women, have we unintentionally created a world where we are simply carrying more—while men continue carrying the same?
Because somewhere along the way, “you can do it all” became “you must do it all.”
We provide financially.
We grow and nurture children.
We run homes, build businesses, manage schedules, remember birthdays, coordinate school runs, plan meals, and somehow keep the emotional ecosystem of our families intact.
We know everything—
the teacher’s birthday,
our child’s favourite subject,
the friendship dynamics,
the date of the next school braai.
And honestly, I could keep going… but you already know.
So how did we get here?
How did we accept a version of life where men largely wake up, get ready, go to work, return home—and ask, “What’s for dinner?”
Even now, as a fully independent, self-sufficient woman in my forties, I still hear that question.
And some days, if I’m being completely honest, I want to respond:
“Nothing. Because that’s exactly what you prepared.”
Because dinner doesn’t magically appear at 6pm.
Dinner started days ago—when the grocery list was written, the meals were planned, the mental load was quietly carried.
So why is it still assumed that when there’s a child in the home, the woman—who is also working and contributing financially—will naturally take on the responsibility of feeding everyone too?
At what point did we allow men to become… comfortable in not knowing?
Big bodies. Capable minds.
But somehow disconnected from the everyday logic of running a home.
And the question I keep coming back to is:
What do we do about it?
Is this something we can shift?
Or is this simply the reality we’ve inherited?
Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe it starts with awareness.
Maybe it starts with what we model.
Because I find myself thinking more and more about my daughter—and the kind of life I hope she will walk into one day. A life where partnership actually feels like partnership.
Interestingly, I came across another post recently that offered a different perspective—one that felt like a gentle exhale.
It spoke about how our mothers and grandmothers always seemed to have dinner ready, effortlessly. But maybe… they weren’t doing everything else on top of that.
Maybe we are trying to do too much.
Maybe dinner doesn’t need to look like it came out of a professional kitchen.
Maybe it just needs to be nourishing.
Maybe it’s okay to repeat meals.
Maybe it’s okay to simplify.
So this past weekend, I tried exactly that.
I made a butter chicken—but doubled the portion.
Half we ate.
Half went into the freezer.
In a few days, I’ll defrost it, add pasta, and turn it into a completely new meal.
Simple. Practical. Enough.
I’m not entirely sure where this post was meant to go.
But I do know this—I’ve enjoyed putting these thoughts into words.
I’ve tried journaling before, but I’ve never quite connected with it. I like my thoughts to feel… structured. Complete. And somehow, writing here—on my laptop—just feels right.
So to those of you who are reading this, resonating with it, quietly nodding along…
We probably have more in common than we realise.
And I think that’s something worth holding onto.
Let’s stay connected. Always.
Suvarna Gangai
Founder|The Desi Closet SA
P.S. Before I get into trouble—my husband has many incredible qualities…
but dinner and meal prep? That’s where he is very clearly still a work in progress.
Because you love the Paris photos so much... here is one of us in Paris last year
