Navarathri Series : Day 2 - MAA BRAHMACHARINI

The Demon of People-Pleasing: Choosing Yourself Without Guilt

Theme: Your devotion must include you, too.

Maa Brahmacharini represents devotion, penance, discipline and the unwavering pursuit of a higher purpose. Her form reminds us of the strength that comes from commitment — the ability to remain faithful to our path even when it demands patience and sacrifice.

But there is an important distinction we, as women, must learn to make.

There is a difference between sacrifice that comes from love and sacrifice that comes from the fear of disappointing others.

Many women are raised to be accommodating. We learn to anticipate everyone's needs, keep the peace, avoid confrontation and put our own wishes aside. We become experts at saying, "It's fine," when it isn't. We agree when we want to decline. We smile when we are uncomfortable. We carry responsibilities that were never ours because we are afraid of what might happen if we put them down.

And slowly, without even realising it, we begin to confuse being a good woman with being an endlessly available woman.

The demon we must confront on this second day is people-pleasing.

It whispers that our worth depends on how useful we are to others. It tells us that saying no makes us selfish, setting boundaries makes us difficult and choosing ourselves means we have failed the people we love.

But Maa Brahmacharini teaches us about purposeful devotion, not the abandonment of our own identity.

For a long time, I understood commitment through the lens of being a wife, doing my part and trying to make a marriage work. Like many women, I had to learn that there is a difference between honouring a commitment and losing yourself in the process of trying to uphold it.

Leaving my marriage after ten years is not a decision I take lightly, and it has brought me face to face with the guilt, expectations and questions that can accompany such a change.

I have had to reflect on what it means to choose myself after years of building a life around a shared future. I am learning that choosing my well-being does not erase the love, effort or years I gave.

I can acknowledge my past with respect while allowing myself to choose a different future.

What if we offered ourselves the same patience we offer our children? The same forgiveness we extend to our families? The same understanding we so readily give to friends who are struggling?

What if we stopped treating our own needs as the least important item on an endless to-do list?

Women can be loving mothers without losing themselves in motherhood. We can be devoted partners without surrendering our individuality. We can honour our parents, care for our families and serve our communities while still having dreams, boundaries and ambitions of our own.

And sometimes, the most spiritual thing we can do is recognise that we are exhausted and allow ourselves to rest.

You do not have to earn the right to be cared for by first caring for everyone else.

This Navarathri, let us destroy the guilt that follows us when we choose ourselves. Let us elevate purposeful devotion, healthy boundaries and the understanding that our well-being matters, too.

Your Navarathri reflection: Where in your life are you saying yes to others while repeatedly saying no to yourself?

A prayer to Maa Brahmacharini

Maa, teach me to walk my path with discipline and devotion. Help me distinguish love from obligation and kindness from self-abandonment. Give me the courage to honour my needs without guilt and to remember that I, too, am worthy of care.

Jai Maa Brahmacharini.

***

P.S. These are my personal letters and reflections, written from my own journey and understanding. They are not intended to be deep scriptural interpretations, but rather an invitation to pause, reflect and perhaps look at life a little differently. If these words inspire you to think more deeply, question your own beliefs or see something from a new perspective, then they have served their purpose. ❤️