41: The Life I Didn't Plan For

If you had asked me a year ago what my life would look like at 41, I would have given you a very different answer.

Because this isn't the life I planned.

I had a picture in my head. A marriage. A home. My daughter growing up within the little family we'd created. A thriving business. A settled life.

I thought by 41, I'd have it all figured out.

Instead, I'm standing in the middle of a life that looks very different from the one I imagined, learning how to navigate new beginnings, new realities and a future I never planned for.

And perhaps that's what this year has taught me most:

Life doesn't always follow the plan.

Sometimes relationships change. Sometimes families change. Sometimes the future you imagined quietly disappears, and you are left wondering what comes next.

I've had to grieve some of that this year.

But I've also realised that a changed plan doesn't mean a failed life.

This has been a transformative year.

Not the pretty kind of transformation we see on Instagram.

The messy kind.

The kind that happens through difficult conversations, tears, uncertainty and learning to put one foot in front of the other.

The kind that forces you to ask:

Who am I now?

What do I want?

What matters to me?

What kind of life do I want to create?

And perhaps most importantly, what am I no longer willing to carry?

I'm learning that transformation isn't always about becoming someone new.

Sometimes it's about finding your way back to yourself.

And then there's my daughter.

She reminds me every day that life isn't about having the perfect blueprint.

I want her to grow up knowing that women can change direction.

That starting again isn't failure.

That strength doesn't mean never falling apart.

And that you can lose a version of your life without losing yourself.

So, here I am.

Ten days away from 41.

I don't have all the answers.

I don't know exactly what the next five years will look like.

But for the first time, I'm not desperately trying to figure it all out.

I'm curious.

Because there is something strangely liberating about realising that the page is blank.

I get to write this next chapter differently.

So here's to 41.

To the plans that worked and the plans that didn't.

To endings and beginnings.

To navigating being a single mother, embracing my independence, filling up my entire being with courage and to becoming.

And to the beautiful, unexpected life that comes after the plan.

I thought I'd be turning 41 with everything figured out.

Instead, I'm turning 41 ready to figure it out as I go.

And maybe that's not such a bad place to be.

Love and Light

Suvarna 

This image was taken yesterday under a beautiful tree while we had a picnic lunch amidst the chaos of our days! I know I look tired... but my soul is happy and free ... perhaps more than I have ever truly been for a very long time!